So when I met Ashley she was this shy girl with black, brunette, red, pink, well she changed her hair about every month. Up until I met her family I had no idea what her real hair color was. Then I met the family, blonde hair on everyone but the dad, who I later found out had blonde hair till he got older. She was/still kind of is ashamed of being blonde. She wanted me to know her as the smart and funny girl, to the point where it was very clear she is smarter than me, almost intimidatingly so. Not to say I'm not smart, I hold just as many degrees as her, I just don't know how to spell without spell check or Google.
Talking about literary... stuff. It's intimidating man, bookish little girl with a rocking body... I'm getting off track.
So I learned she didn't like being typecast as the blonde and dumb rich girl, which she isn't. Sort of.
See I developed my theory on the "dumb blonde" theory. They aren't dumb, well some of them are, reality TV is proof of that.
Generally some guy prefer blondes and sometimes those guys are rich, so they spoil their children, who sometimes turn out to be blonde girls. While they may grow up to become intelligent women, sometimes they are just book smart. Sometimes they lack common sense and whatnot.
Ashley may know a lot of stuff intellectually, but she's still the girl who can't drive a manual and tried to start a fire in the fireplace with charcoal. It's not a lack of intelligence, it's just a lack of living in a non-sheltered world.
Like how she still has no idea how to ride a public city bus. Yeah, that's a fun one.
I like to think about it in the words of Christopher Titus:
"Love screwed up people, though. I could hang out with screwed up people
forever. Screwed up people are great, 'cause screwed up people have been
through some stuff. They know what can happen. They know the problems.
'Cause if you've been through a lot of shit in your life, you know every
time you see the shit just about the hit the fan... you step to the
side of the fan."
Ashley biggest problem in life was me, before we got married. I can make a list of shit that's wrong with me, which makes for a nice even marriage. She does the math, money and smart stuff. I tell her not to tip 40% on a restaurant bill.
This all easily explains why I told my children that buried treasure is real, because people in Britain totally find Roman coin hoards just randomly in the ground. That is why there is now a hole in our front lawn. That Ashley tripped in... Cause my little girls are privileged little blonde girls who don't know any better. Not because I like making trouble, no, that's ridiculous and I'm insulted that you would even think of such a thing...
... I gave them the garden trowel...