The Oscars.

Fuck the Oscars. Fuck the politics of the film industry. Fuck the "scratch my back and I'll scratch your back when it comes award time." mentality of studios. Fuck the glorification of actors who may be the faces of film, but contribute about as much as the caterer to the making of film. Fuck I am an angry old man. Play by play following of the Oscars follows, what comes next is pent up rage:

-Wait, wait, wait, the hardest working men on a film set get like 5 minutes and golf claps. Cinematographers are the lifeblood of a film set.

- I love senile Kirk Douglas.

- I could watch him mess with these actresses all night.

- Respecting the work? You work for like 2 weeks. Try three years writing the same draft of a script bitch. Obsessing over one line for a sleepless night, now that's fucking work.

- Sylvian Chomet got robbed! AGAIN! Seriously, he's one of three guys making creative, unique and breath taking animation. Too bad he was going up against the biggest of those three.

- Yay my awards!

- Fun fact, 90 percent of all produced screenplays are adapted from another source.

- Not a real bumper crop of original screenplays this year.

- As always, the writers give the best speeches that no one will remember.

- I think the message here is, fuck Australia.

- Do you ever wonder why all the foreign language films look alike? CAUSE THEY ARE ALL THE SAME! Cause you know, the truly ingenious, creative and new foreign directors never make movies (according to the academy). I still love Javier Bardem though.

- Holy crap John Hawks is actually getting props for being a good actor. About fucking time.

- Christian Bale AKA Epic Beard Man.

- You're the Wolver to my rine? Who the fuck is writing this!?

- So, when are they going to change best original score, to the John Williams award?

- I don't think Matthew or Scarlett have any idea how sound mixing or editing works. Or how sound works period.

- Sound mixers and editors are awesome people. They also sit in a dark room for hours and hours watching the same 10 second clip repeating.

- Heheh the Lord of the Rings music is drowning out the speaker.

- I don't know how I can say this anymore than I already have. Fuck. Tim. Burton.

- "I obviously don't have any personality, as I slowly read from a strip of paper in a monotone voice. Thank you *pause to establish eye contact with audience* Tim Burton." :D

- Kevin Spacey! RUN AWAY, SAVE YOURSELF!

- Oh god Randy Newman...

- Is it just me, or do Disney songs just not have that timelessness that they did in the 90's?

- Even if it was insincere, telling people to watch short films is great.

- I fucking love the guy who won best live action short.

- Documentary Feature award AKA LIBERAL AGENDA! LIBERAL AGENDA! I'm a liberal, but geez, these people.

- This is pretty lame now, not any good joke material for me or them.

- Ah penis jokes... Wonderful.

- I can't understand a word these people are saying, this is really, mumbling the song.

- So let me get this straight. The choices for songs are, Randy Newman and the same song that he's been doing for 30 years, generic Disney song, Mumbling song, or the generic country song.

- Newman won and sadly, that was the best... *sigh*

- Senile old man count: 2

- Oh god the orchestra pit is going to eat the crowd! Wait, it's just Celine Dion. Shit...

- Man, I didn't notice it until now, but all the people that made Star Wars great are dying off. Except for one... *shakes fist at old man Lucas*

- By the way, I've been drinking while I write this. So...

- Man, what are with the long frilly dresses this year. Geez...

- Here is something I'll never understand. Why directors take all the fame away from writers, producers and cinematographers? Most directors do one thing, work with the actors. Good directors do two things, help the cinematographer and the actors. The best directors write, help with cinematography and deal with the actors. I'm not saying they aren't talented people, but they do less or just as much work as the people no one seems to care about.

- Coppola, Spielberg, Scorsese, and I suppose the early Lucas made strings of amazing films. It'll be interesting to see what guys like Fincher, the Coens, and the like, can do with what they got in the long run.

- Hey look, it's Jeff Bridges sucking up to actresses. It's like a 500 person circle jerk.

- Yes, cause I'm sure Queen Amidala was an amazing character, oh wait.

- And the circle jerk continues on. We can't leave anyone out right?

- I'll never understand why at any point in history, stuttering british men were considered sexy.

- I guess that's the end.

Ashley's thoughts:

What pretty dresses, oh my god!